in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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