i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
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i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
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I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
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