Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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