this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
