listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
