Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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