I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
