After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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