Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize