Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
