you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
