wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
