he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
