also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
