..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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