so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
