Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
