Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
