I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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