paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
