Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
