having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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