Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.