Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My dick has a subreddit
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo