I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.