non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
