foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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