I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
