Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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