i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
this beer tastes like vomit already
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
