My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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