if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
