You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
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I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
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I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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