my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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