i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
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Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
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Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Randomize