i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
