We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
