i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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