Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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