And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
