I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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