You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
