I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!