I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast