i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo