State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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