tell your sister to shave her snatch
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.