oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
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I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts