I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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