I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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