he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
