My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
