i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
