I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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