every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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