He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
