Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
