It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize