never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
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