Do you still have your period?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
