I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Randomize
