thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
