I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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