Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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