Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Life is so much better after having sex.
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This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
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You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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