If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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