The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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